Friends Forever Forum

I was invited by the Friends Forever Forum to address them on 9^th June 2012. The meeting was at The YWCA at Egmere. They were a small group of like-minded intellectuals who come together every second Saturday to discuss matters of common interest, interact with each other, have a nice dinner over further sparkling conversation and part with a sense of friendship and companionship. The members take turns to host the dinner. The speaker is either one of themselves or a guest like me is roped in to deliver a brief speech and lead the interaction.

  My good friend Dr. Radhika Nanwani is a member, and on 9^th June it was Dr. Radhika’s turn to be host. I was asked to speak on the topic Transformation. I explained how transformation at an individual level is possible by truly applying the fourth habit, Think Win/Win and the fifth habit Seek First to Understand and then to be Understood. When a person is willing to Transfoorm he automatically improves relationships and bondings as he is able to see things from a holistic perspective rather than the tunnel-vision that is induced by self-interest or obsessions. He also overcomes weaknesses like anger through a process of self-introspection.

I shared experiences from my own life when I had failed in relationships and how I used the Seven Habits to help me transform myself to become something somewhat better than my earlier self. But as we all agreed personal transformation is a continuous and never-ending journey.

Here is a gist of what I spoke. My actual speech was a longer and we had numerous interactions that took us down diverse paths.

Transformation means a change from one state to another state. It is preferable that the change should not be merely cosmetic or external but rather internal. In fact, transformation should be through growth and evolution. That is to say, it must be a positive movement from a lesser state of existence to a better and more preferable one.

Transformation becomes possible only if we accept that we are imperfect and are willing to listen to feedback about ourselves. Once we understand the expectations that others (especially our near and dear ones) have about us, we can attempt to transform into something better. We must accept that our current behavior is unacceptable; thereafter we may find approaches to transform ourselves.  In fact a willingness to transform proactively can result in better relationships with other people. We can become a better spouse, parent, employer, employee, friend and so on.

According to C S Lewis, growth is better than change. He says, “a tree grows by adding rings to itself; a train does not grow by going from one station to another.”

To quote the Bhagavad Gita:

“vasamsi jirnani yatha vihaya  navani grhnati naro 'parani  tatha sarirani vihaya jirnany anyani samyati navani dehi”

This translates as follows:

As a person puts on new garments, giving up old ones, similarly, the soul accepts new material bodies, giving up the old and useless ones.

Transformation is truly like the development of a bright and iridescent butterfly from an ugly caterpillar through the stage of being a chrysalis or pupa. Those of us who have read Jonathan Livingstone Seagull by Richard Bach can understand this.

As constant practice of thinking and contemplating on life continues, one would come to the unerring conclusion that this life itself is but one state and that death is merely a transformation from a gross to a subtle state of existence of the spirit.

Our lives should, thus, be a series of transformations. Each transformation should take us to a higher plane of existence. The ultimate goal of these successive transformations should be realization of God and becoming so luminous as to merge into his effulgence.Every religion has a name for this like Paradise, Nirvan or Moksh.

The Friends Forever Forum is open to all. The stress is on Friendship, so the atmosphere is non-judgmental and supportive. While divergent views are expressed, the tone is always polite and friendly. The idea is to learn and grow rather than influence others. I like the Friends Forever Forum and strongly recommend it to anyone who wants to spend an evening every month in relaxed intellectual conversation with friends. It is better not to go with an evangelistic motive. Your can  share your knowledge and views while at the same time you should be perfectly willing and able to listen, understand and value the inputs given by the other person.