Swamiye Saranam Ayappa

I went on a pilgrimmage to Sabari Malai with my son Srivatsan. The temple is opened for one day to commemorate the Installation Day i.e. the day on which the idol of Ayappan was first installed. It is usually somewhat less crowded durfing this day.

There are certain things in life that can be explained. There are other things that need to be experienced. The Yathra or Pilgrimmage to Sabhari Malai is an experiential process.

It cannot be explained except to say that the divine experience begins with wearing the sacred maala which is made of Tulasi beads. The experience of oneness with the divine continues during the arduous climb up Neeli Malai and Appachi Medu. It is only as we climb and realize that our body has to be carried only by us that we feel its useless weight. We also realize, in flashes of inspiration, and sorrow the futility of worldly association. We may realise that we are alone and only GOD can help us. This saranagadhi bhaava or posture of surrender is symbolically expressed in the Sarana Gosham, "Swamiye Saranam! Ayyappa Saranam!" which rings all over the steep mountainside.

And finally as I reach the Sabhari Peedam, exhausted and physically weak, the mind whispers, "This is enough. This is the last time. No more next time!" But lo and behold as I approach the Sabhari Peedam once again after Dharshan I pause, look back and sincerely pray," Ayyappa! Let me come back one more time!" (This too is a symbolic representation of the inexplicable nature of the desire of the Jeevathma for the Paramaathma (OM)).

The Jeeva is flesh, weak and unable to control anything. Through surrender it realises its oneness with the Lord and its own insignificance in that magnificience. This is the truth that is boldly emblazoned on the gopuram of the sannidhanam: "Tattvamasi" meaning "That Thou Art." As the Jeeva crosses the 18 steps which are symbols of eighteen qualities that blind and bind the poor jeeva, it glimpses the lord in the Yogic position, the right hand showing Chin mudra.

All this in a flash of realisation. Gone immediately to be replaced by mundane prayers for personal wealth, health, power etc.,

As I make the pilgrimmage year after year I hope to become purified and made subtle in he same way that flour becomes finer and finer when passed through a sieve.

As we were walking down to Pamaba someone asked me why they do not keep the temple open always. I think the reason is that Ayyappa is in a yogic meditation. He does not want to be disturbed. So he requested Panthala Raja to create a place where he could meditate in peace. But during the Mandala Pooja and Makara Jyothi period he is willing to see us. At other times he would not like to be disturbed. Would you like people to pester you when you want to be alone? Well, he needs to be alone.

There is so much symbolism surrounding the Sabhari Malai Yathra. No ritual is meaningless or barbarian. One who knows the symbolism grows. Others stay wherever they are. But all have tasted the great joy that is Divine Experience.

Every time I visit Sabhari Malai, I sharpen the saw on the Spiritual dimension and rediscover my own Principle Centre from which I cannot Err.